Friends of Celebrities
The first agency supplying grounded friends to celebrities
Christmas Special 2007
http://www.friendsofcelebrities.com
Well, the year is nearly over. It’s been one of the greatest years for celebrity gossip and perfect for the first year of the Friends of Celebrities. Thanks for sharing it with me. Next year is going to be bigger and better. Watch out for some special changes in the January newsletter. And with them, I’m sure a whole bunch of celebrities will be signing up to meet you all. Until then, let’s remind ourselves of some of the best bits of 2007, with a miniature FoC awards ceremony. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, see you in 2008!!!
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BEST CELEBRITY LEGO SET
Go to the homepage friendsofcelebrities.com my favourite of the lego sets of gold digging Heather Mills. (Don’t forget she lost her leg in an accident with a police motorbike.)
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BEST LOONEY
Heather Mills McCartney showed how delusional she was once again this week, with a pathetic attempt to convince the world how poorly she has been treated. She compared herself to Princess Diana and mother of missing 4 year old Madeleine McCann in a sad attempt to gain sympathy. She whinged about her £1.5million legal costs. She begged people to believe she didn’t want any money. And claimed she was thinking of suicide. Just because you say it, doesn’t make it true. No matter how many times you repeat it. It really back-fired and she looked like an idiot. We want her to get in touch so we can help her get back to her roots.
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WORST KEPT SECRET
Fashion designer Roberto Cavalli has confirmed the rumours. Phew! Although, J-Lo herself and hubby have still refused to confirm the rumours, preferring people thought she was just plain fat.
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BEST ADOPTION
Both Madonna and Angelina Jolie are both in the market for a new accessory baby. Madonna is just waiting for the adoption agency to get back to her. Angelina has already made enquiries and jetted off to Africa to do a bit of window shopping. It’s a good thing. As long as they are doing it for the right reasons. Good job Michael Jackson isn’t following the trend. There would be an outrage!
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BEST PICTURE
Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, squeaky clean super star Vanessa Hudgens isn’t any of those things anymore. When will famous people learn that they just have to not do the things we all enjoy (like taking nude pictures of ourselves) to protect their careers? Apparently it was taken for boyfriend and co-star Zac Efron. But the pics seem to clash with Disney’s plans for the starlet.
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BEST COUPLE
For all the hoo-ha surrounding Amy Winehouse and hubby’s alleged heroin use, it turns out that Blake is a bit of a bad egg after all. He was due to go to court after assaulting a chap outside a pub. He had the bright idea of offering the guy £200,000 ($400,000) to drop the charges. However, the cunning guy went straight to the police and newspapers. The sentence for this serious crime is up to life imprisonment. He won’t get that but it could be a long time. Also, there will be claims that Amy knew nothing about it. Hmmmm, do you believe that?
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WORST LIAR
Heather Mills has been fired by her own lawyers. She apparently kept calling her main guy while he was grieving and ignored everything they told her to do. The madwoman doesn’t care about what’s right, just what she wants. She claims to have been taping conversations with Paul which prove that he called Heather a one legged bitch. (Sounds about right to me.) She also says ‘it's clear from the tape that Paul has apologized for the marriage breakdown and how he treated her.’ Well, that sounds like he is a very nice man.
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BEST FAD
Bottom Facials. La-la land’s latest craze is to have a lovely exfoliating face massage – on your ar*e. I suppose it’s designed to stop you looking sh*t.
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BEST DEATH THREAT
A fundamentalist terror group in the Gaza Strip have got a bee in their bonnet with celebrities, specifically Madonna and Britney Spears. Leader Mohammad Abdel-Al stated in a book that: ‘If I meet those whores, I will have the honour to be the first one to cut the heads of Madonna and Britney Spears.’ I reckon he is just upset because he can’t get any tickets for their shows.
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BEST BONK BUST
Just what was Sting doing, coming out of famous Hamburg Brothel, Relax Bordello? Although his publicist was un-available for comment, I am positive that the positive spin put on this will be the old classic – researching for a film. Watch this space.
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BEST COMEBACK
Paris Hilton took time off from her extensive charity work (that we never hear anything about) in order to take time out to seriously PAR-TAY! She treated onlookers to a sexy and lengthy pole dance in a nightclub. There must have been a mirror close by for her to watch herself.
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BEST BREAKDOWN
One hell of a week for Amy Winehouse. Doing drugs with a hooker, attacking her boyfriend, throwing her brother (who was sent to help her) out of her hotel, having a screaming match on one of London busiest streets, making up, running out of a restaurant and getting thrown out of her hotel suite. Plus her family are telling everybody who’ll listen that their daughter is going to die soon. The only good thing that happened to her was probably injecting heroin. And that is a BAD idea. Amy, we’re here for you, girl.
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BEST CELEBRITY SEARCHES 2007
1. BRITNEY SPEARS!
2. Paris Hilton
3. Beyonce
4. Lindsay Lohan
5. Fergie
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Be my friend at www.myspace.com/friendsofcelebrities
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Thanks to everyone for signing up. Please forward this message to your friends or tell them to sign up. Better to get on the mailing list earlier than later! If you have any tips or stories email me at john@friendsofcelebrities.com and I’ll see you all in the new year.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL CELEBRITIES AND THE FRIENDS OF CELEBRITIES!!!!
John
Founder of Friends of Celebrities
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